Tuesday, August 29

Israeli Airstrike Leaves Reuters Ambulance in Flames, Chopped, Channeled

Reuters Photo (Mahmoud al-Jihad)
QANA, LEBANON - Israeli Defense Forces face fresh charges of war atrocities today, as international press agency Reuters released stark photos showing the devastation caused by a daylight IDF missile attack on a clearly marked Reuters press ambulance.

According to Reuters spokesman Martin Aldwyn, the vehicle was used by the agency's local freelancers to transport poignant war-ravaged street urchins to Lebanese hospitals.

Although clearly marked with a red cross, "PRESS," fuzzy dice, and the international symbol for "Baby On Board," the flaming 1950 Mercury was left nearly unrecognizable by the attack. Photos show that the impact of the Israeli missiles slammed the vehicle to the ground, lowered its roof five inches, and left it with a pancaked hood, shaved door handles, frenched headlights and De Soto grille.

The independent group Human Rights Watch called for a United Nations investigation into charges that the Israel missiles were packed with heavy amounts of lead filler, which would violate several international chemical weapon bans.

Israeli spokesman Dan Perlestein said the government and IDF were investigating the incident, but categorically denied the accusation of leading.
"IDF missiles only use inert fillers allowed by international arms convention, such as Bondo and Evercoat," said Perlestein.

The missile strike is reported to have exacted a heavy human toll as well. According to eyewitnesses, including over two dozen Reuters freelance reporters, the Mercury was packed with over 500 Lebanese urchins at the time of the Israeli attack.

"We go serious digging before we show final casualty count," said Reuters freelance photographer Mahmoud al-Jihad. "Come back tomorrow, I have super super dusty baby photos for you, only two hundred dollar."

At Reuters headquarters in London, spokesman Aldwyn said the agency would seek an apology and damage reimbursement from the Israeli government.

"Pictures don't lie," said Aldwyn. "At the very least, we expect the Israelis to pay for a replacement Merc. Or maybe a bitchin' '52 Buick Sedanette."

(Need I say it? Iowahawk strikes again...)

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