Tuesday, July 18

Jewish Kidz' Martyr Toys Set To Win Media Sympathies!

Be the first - and last - on your block to give the gift
that keeps on giving!

Having analyzed world media sympathies towards Muslim radicals who teach their young to lace their suicide belts with screws and rat poison to inflict maximum carnage in a crowd of infidels, a desperate Jewish manufacturer of educational toys has launched a " Jewish Martyr Babies" marketing campaign, which they hope will finally make Reuters, BBC, CNN, and other networks view the Jewish experiencehave more favorably. They now offer their customers anthrax yarmulke, razor-wire-lined tallit, exploding gartel, strangling attarah, metal-piercing dreidels, and other novelty items that are "fun, educational, and lethal."

"When asked if the new trend is going to change the way his organization reports the news, an unnamed Reuters Middle Eastern stringer scoffed, "'This is just one of their cheap Jew marketing tricks to earn undeserved sympathy. Life would be so much less complicated if they just didn't exist.'"

Below is a sample lineup of Jewish Martyr Toys and mission statement from the manufacturer's website:

"Lil' Moishe the Lazer Clown" sez:

"If we want the world to start liking us, Jewish children need to stop learning useless Western ideas like arts and sciences, and start learning how to become fanatical holy martyrs bent on destroying everything that doesn't conform to their new, pious outlook. At that point, international human rights groups and all progressive people will finally welcome us into their community on par with Palestinians.

"In order to attract more of the world's sympathies we encourage all Jews to start protecting their beliefs from criticism and questioning in the manner of their Muslim neighbors. Our new product line is meant to teach our your children to do just that - protect their faith from unbelievers in their formative years. These products, which can be enjoyed by any child over the age of three, are fun, educational, and lethal."

Toy Menorah - with FirePower (TM)!

"Each of the nine plastic candles doubles as a gun barrel so that Little Yossie can blast his way through any crowd of gentiles - with nine times the power! Fantastic for quickly educating dense groups of "people" while they are practicing their so-called "faiths." The premium model can easily penetrate pregnant women. Also includes candle-lighting times."

Sale! Sale! Sale! Sale! Sale! Sale! Sale! Sale! Sale! Sale! Sale! Sale! Sale! Sale!

UPDATE: This week only:
Free Torah pointer with each purchase, good for poking out eyes or creating neck wounds!

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